The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

Looks better than the last one, but the little humour from before is now completely gone (“You guys are like mummy magnets!” *crickets*), the plot is a complete rehash (just substitute a terracotta army for the dog army, and add in some yetis), and the added father-son dramatic thread falls flat on its face just like it did in Die Hard 5 (newcomer Bello isn’t great either). Some good fight choreography and one badass “revenge for the oppressed” speech at the climax are the only positives here.

The Mummy Returns (2001)

The script reaches new levels of ridiculousness (mummified pygmies, dog armies, a woefully neglected child), which bring with them new levels of cringe-worthy CGI (I nearly vomited in my mouth upon seeing the reincarnated Scorpion King) and green screen scenes (see the flight over Egypt, standing on the pyramid). Decent action/adventure set pieces and a few self-aware quips courtesy of the self-preserving Uncle Jon (“Ah, the old ‘wipe out the world’ ploy”) keep this from being a total wreck.

The Mummy (1999)

Cheesy, in some bad ways and some good ways: The opening historical background sequence is just horrendous in its melodrama, dated CGI, and outlandish “Egyptian” costumes, and these things occasionally pop up again, but the over-the-top characters (see Weisz’ awkward British lass, the trigger-happy, bourbon-drinking Americans) and goofy sense of humour (“You probably won’t live through it” *happily* “You really think so?”) combines well with the spooky adventure tale for an overall fun watch.