Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003)

This movie is bad (ugly visuals, incomprehensible plot, bland lead character–sorry, Juni) so I’m just going to use this review to describe in full its one great moment. Sexy scientist Antonio Benderas is hard at work in his lab and declares that “nothing is more important” than his current project, but when he hears that his kids are in trouble, he dramatically destroys it, flies off in his rocket boots, and lands superhero-style on the street with “DAD” emblazoned on the screen. Dad goals.

2

Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams (2002)

Loses lots of the first’s cheesy kid-dreamy charm, thanks to an overload of the spy kids schtick (there’s a whole department now?) and the SFX that go with it (so much green screen). New plot lines and characters are thrown in just because (see Donnagon, the in-laws). It’s a mess, occasionally in an entertaining way (see Romero–“Do you think God stays in heaven because he too is afraid of what he created?”–arriving with his giant animal hybrids at the same time as the President’s flying hummer).

3

Spy Kids (2001)

An entertaining mix of cheesy, kid-hearted espionage action (gadgets galore, plus an imaginative villain, lair, and evil plan), family movie silliness (“Oh shiii-take mushrooms”, plus “My parents can’t be spies! They’re not cool enough!”), and new-millenium charisma (they’re actually very cool–see the sexy origin story at the beginning). The family relationship arc is also well done (“Spy work, that’s easy. Keeping a family together, that’s difficult. And that’s the mission worth fighting for”).

6

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Plenty of plot issues to pick at (how did Voller survive that hit to the head on the train? How did he show up at the cave so quickly?), and not all the humour or character work works (crotchety old Indy has his moments of poignant reflection and also other moments: “Whatever I did, I apologize.” Yikes), but the spirit of adventure is as strong as ever, with compelling action set pieces galore. Indy’s glory days had come and gone, yes, but as Sallah hinted that they might, they came back again.

6

Uncharted (2022)

The CGI is a little spotty and the writing is full of cannonball-shaped holes (Nathan is a good character but the backstories to Sully, the treasure, and the rival hunters are only hinted at; meanwhile, the twisty trust/betrayal dynamic of the main three awkwardly flip flops between serious and playful), but the clue-hopping pace is perfect, the comedy sufficient, and the adventure action barrels of fun (see the heist, the plane jump, and the ridiculously amazing pirate ship battle in the sky).

5

Shrek 2 (2004)

Princess Fiona’s parents invite her and Shrek to dinner to celebrate her marriage. If only they knew the newlyweds were both ogres. (IMDb)

The fart jokes and pop song performances feel a little stale this time around, but there’s still plenty of chuckles to be had in the sly one-liners (“You still look like an ass to me”), the dramatic Donkey (“I’m melting!”; “I am trotting!”), and cutesy medieval-modern culture mash-ups (see the Medieval drive-thru). The story is a little simplistic but presents with frankness the mature themes of identity and insecurity as they relate to the central couple. Stay tuned for Waits’ musical cameo.

6.5/10 (Alright)